48 minutes

You can get a lot done in 48 minutes.

Cook dinner.

Create a week's worth of lesson plans.

Race a criterium or a cyclocross race.

Have a baby.

Yep. True story. Tygh Christopher Barker was born at 12:48am on Thursday, September 6th. Excuse me if I continue to focus on the time. It was a *bit* of a shock. And by *bit*, I mean a HELL OF A, HOLY CRAP THIS IS HAPPENING, OMG I MIGHT DIE kind of a shock.

As in, I might need counseling to recover from the whole event.

I mean, probably not, but you never know.

On Thursday morning at 12am on the dot, I woke up from a deep sleep to discover that my water had broken. This did not happen with Hazel. With Hazel, I casually strolled in to the hospital like I was going to the Hilton for a short stay. I was given pitocin. I was given an epidural. I napped and watched movies until it was time for her to be born. It was all very civilized and wonderful and elapsed time from beginning the pitocin to birth was 7 hours, give or take some minutes.

Tygh is apparently not in to "civilized" or "calm". Within minutes of my water breaking, I was in an immense amount of pain. I am not quite sure how I made it down the two flights of stairs or how I managed to call a friend to come over NOW! PLEASE COME OVER RIGHT NOW! to watch Hazel. I don't even know how I managed to throw on clothes. I do know that at some point, Barkernews was getting desperate and he did mention just leaving Hazel at home, that SOMEONE would show up to watch her eventually. I did, rightfully, veto that idea just as our neighbor walked up and saved us.

Thus commenced a 75mph ride to the hospital in which I screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. Barkernews told me later that he took the corners so fast, the Subaru was on two wheels. The pain was so blinding that it's difficult for me to remember the intricate details of the cornering part.

I do remember this: about 2 miles from the hospital, I threw off my seatbelt. Barkernews asked me if I needed to push and I screamed, "YEEEEESSSSS!!" At which point, he probably threw up in his mouth.

At the hospital, Barkernews screeched up to the emergency room entrance, where two security guards manhandled me in to a wheelchair and I screamed a lot of obscenities. LOUDLY.

Turns out, Tygh was crowning upon our arrival at the hospital. There was no time for an epidural, despite Barkernews' pleas to "get some pain meds on board, STAT!" I made it to the Labor and Delivery floor, but just barely. I ended up delivering Tygh at 12:48am in my clothes, approximately 10 minutes after my doctor showed up. Due to the speed of labor, there was no time to insert an IV. Therefore, post-labor Vicodin took another 20-30 minutes to take effect. I felt every stitch, every pull, every push on my uterus. Due to adrenaline and shock, my body would not stop violently shaking. It was a pretty rough 2 hours post-delivery.

In the end, I had my little 6lb. 3oz boy. WITH HAIR! (those of you who have watched Hazel grow up know she was hairless for the first two years of her life) But, WOW. I didn't realize it could happen the way it did. The nurses told me that a 48 minute labor means an extraordinarily painful labor because the body doesn't have time to gradually work in to it. They must be right, but I am not an expert since Hazel's birth was carefully managed from a pain standpoint.

Since last Thursday, a lot of women have expressed to me a desire for such a short labor. To which I replied (and continue to reply): No. You do NOT want a 48 minute labor! Trust me. No, really. TRUST ME.

Here's the thing that continues to surprise me: Barkernews NEVER freaked out. Not once. He drove hella fast, but he drove carefully. He never lost it. He was calm the entire time, despite seeing (and hearing) his wife scream bloody murder and in an immense amount of pain. He is a rock star. Seriously. Without him, I would have given birth in the Subaru, which I had JUST had detailed. How irritating would that have been? (Still. I would love to hear his full rendition of the story.)

Luckily, it happened in the hospital. Luckily, I had access to some amazing medical care. Luckily, everyone was healthy. Luckily, a 45 minute cyclocross race will seem SOOOOO fast after this experience.

Unluckily, I can't use the "this hurts too much" excuse any more when it comes to training. Bummer.

For now, we in the Barker house are focused on recovery and relaxing. And looking at each other in amazement every time we talk about the experience, which I expect we will do for quite a while.