Last week was a long, drug out, agonizing affair. Work was tough. It never seemed to end and I never seemed to be successful at a job that I have been performing well for the past 9 years. Talk about an ego blow. Then, because my ego wasn't flattened enough already, I couldn't get it together enough to race in the XC race on Thursday night and spent that time on the sidelines, wondering why I didn't just go have a glass of wine. And because I wanted to further pound my ego in to the ground, I raced at the David Douglas CX race on Saturday, where I defeated myself in the first 50 feet and subsequently performed horribly.
And then I cried. Because nothing had gone right for me in the past 7 days and my husband was out of town for the next 10. Because my dirty laundry stretched all the way to the ceiling, my refrigerator was completely empty save for 1 beer, and because the trash hadn't been taken out in 2 weeks.
I wanted to go to Hawaii on the next jet plane.
But I didn't. I went on a trail run instead and that was the start of feeling better about things- slowly. Oh yeah, and my mom came for the week and cooked and cleaned and took care of the toddler. That helped tremendously
I'm still mad at myself- about my job, about my race performance, about why I am just so damn tired, but I am ready to use that anger for something else. Instead of beating myself up, I am ready to beat someone else up on the race course. Maybe. Hopefully. We'll see.
And if I don't? Well, then I don't and at least I got to see the pumpkin cannon at Heiser Farms.
