What a difference a year makes.
I went in to the race this year ready to race. I didn't have any grand allusions of winning, but I knew- I just knew- that I could improve dramatically over my 2010 performance. There is a lot to be said for fitness, but there is so much more to be said for mental toughness in bike racing. Hands down, stage racing is the most painful, the most difficult thing I have ever done and anything you can do to train your brain that it's not THAT painful helps to get you through to the end.
I'm working on that. It's a work in progress, but one in which I am seeing marked improvement.
Stage 1 of Cherry Blossom has hills and wind and sun. Everyone is excited and ready to race. The pace is quick. I felt good about everything...until I flatted on mile 2.
FAIL.
Once I switched out my wheel, I time trialed to get back to the group and at the big hill, I blew up. I was so so disappointed. I know that I am so much stronger than last year and to be giving it 100% and watch the lead group ride away from me- it broke me down. I met up with some other riders and finished the stage, but it wasn't the result I wanted. I did congratulate myself on some small things- catching the group after time trialing by myself for those lonely, long miles, giving it 100% regardless of the outcome, and hell, cycling in the SUN.
The massage that night felt amazing and was well-deserved.
This is my ass at the end of stage one.
Day 2 dawned early. The cat 4 women went off for the time trial at 8am. In the desert. In the spring. It was quite chilly. Not having a time trial bike, I did the best I could on the tired legs I had and ended up placing better than previous years. That was thanks to an amazing coach and Thursday mornings spent staring at a computrainer.
Could still use some more of that mental fortitude though. And also three extra sets of legs.
The Barker Grrrr face.
Stage 3 was the crit. It was, hands down, my best crit performance to date. I didn't place as high as the High Desert Omnium crit, but I raced smarter. I'll take it. Knowing stage races aren't won or lost in the crit, I did the best I could to stick like glue to the leaders and save my energy. It worked. It was a rad race. My confidence level soared and I accomplished my goal.
After that, I only had to make it through one more day. I could do that, right?
RIGHT?
Did everything I could to stay in the front pack. Mission accomplished.
Every bike racer needs quality domestiques. I am blessed beyond measure with the Barker Family Cheerleaders.
Crit cooldown with Sara and Sally. Legs...are...so...tired...
Coach told me that lots of girls would start to lose it in Stage 4 and to take advantage of that, to keep my head in the game, to stay with the race leader (not being a threat to win), and to give it everything I had. Coach was right.Stage 4 was tough, if not physically, then mentally. Everyone was tired, myself included. But I had instructions and damnit, I was going to follow them.
They worked...sort of. I stayed with the leaders until the big climb, at which point everyone blew up. After I had about 5 minutes of self-pity, I decided to get my head in the game and keep racing anyway. In bike racing, there isn't time for self-pity, because in the time you take to feel sorry for yourself, someone is creeping up on you, with strong legs and a whole lot of will.
I ended up 9th in the final race. I was so incredibly relieved to be done, but so freaking proud of myself. I raced smarter and harder than last year. I FELT stronger. I kept my head in the game longer. I kept myself mostly positive.
And? I knew it was only April. The road racing season in Oregon is long and intense. There is a lot of time and many races left yet.
It was a big contrast to last year, leaving this race feeling confident and capable instead of defeated and depressed. It makes those early mornings giving everything I've got on the computrainer bearable. It's a reminder that I can have a family, a full-time job, other hobbies (have I mentioned that I love to ski??) and still perform ok. As I look around the peloton at the beginning of the race, it's hard to find other girls who have all of that and still bike race.
So, yeah. I feel good. Pretty damn good.
