This school year has been the most difficult one for me in recent memory. I would say it ranks right up there with my first year of teaching, except that nothing compares with waking up every day in tears, wondering if you will make it to 3pm. At least THAT didn't happen this year.
My job is emotionally wrenching, aggravating, frustrating, and downright depressing sometimes. It can also be inspiring, hilarious, enlightening and fun. Often, it can be all of those things in one 60-minute period and I never know from one day to the next what it will be. All of that makes it emotionally draining. There were many days this year when I couldn't complete anything after 3pm because I just COULD NOT THINK any more. And, I am slightly embarrassed to admit, there were more than a few days when I went home and sat my daughter down in front of Sesame Street, just so I could have a break.
A lot of people wonder aloud to me how I manage to work, have a family, train and compete, and still fulfill other commitments in my life such as Ski Patrol. My answer is usually that I just happen to be pretty good at time management and scheduling.
But the real answer is bigger than that. All of those things outside of work? They have all basically saved my life at one time or another, most of them multiple times. Work beat me up? Luckily, I have a husband who tells me how wonderful I am on a daily basis (no, you can't have him) and a 2-year-old daughter who never fails to make me laugh or ask for a hug. Feeling like a failure? This year, I have run my fastest mile ever thanks to my coach and I am doing my best to get even faster on the bike. The walls closing in on me? I skied 31 days this year and ripped it up even more than ever.
So, yeah. All of those things have probably kept me out of the mental hospital. Going to a workout at 5am is a pain in the ass for sure, but the numbers to complete are doable and finite. Before my work day even starts, I am successful.
The truth is that I have never achieved the perfect balance and I probably never will. It's an unattainable goal. The see saw is constantly moving back and forth. And each time it tips too far, I know it's time to head back in the other direction.
Really, people, I don't have the answers. I just know that I love my family, I love my job (yes, I really do), I love to train and compete, I love to ski and if I just keep doing those things, it will all work out in the end, right?
See you on the seesaw.
